What Happens When You Lose Trust

Monday Morning Coffee- What Happens When you lose trust in someone, or something?

There are some things that all of us need in our lives, to stay balanced, and one of them in trust! If we’re married, we need to be able to trust our partner in more ways than one. We need to trust that they not only love us enough to be there through thick and thin, but also in other ways. Showing respect for us, and knowing that although we might disagree at times, that it’s OK. We are still there, we care, and we want to trust that we can disagree and our relationship is stronger than that.

Trust is a 2 way street

We all want to trust teenage children, if we have them. As kids enter the teen years they venture out more into the community. Friends become more important and parents find themselves needing to trust them more. But what happens when you lose trust? What happens when you catch them lying to you and doing things that they know they’re not supposed to do? Yes, when a teen loses your trust it can make life much more difficult for everyone.

This past week I have seen several people talking about losing trust, and it really got me to thinking. Many of us write online, on different platforms, and we have to have a certain level of trust. I want to know that when I write this post, and hit publish that it will indeed be published. I need to know that there isn’t some hidden code on my site that will change what I say, or worse have parts disappear. I need anyone reading my disclosures, or a TOS if I had one, to know that they aren’t empty words, that I will indeed follow them. Trust. As a writer, I need readers to trust what I say. But again, what happens when you lose that trust?

Once trust is lost, it’s very hard to get it back. Actions speak louder than words. Personally, it takes me a long time to trust someone again, if ever. It’s not just that we lose trust, we also lose a part of our security. and respect for the other person, or place. What used to be a good feeling can turn quite ugly as people vent their frustrations, or share in their lose. Especially now, with the internet. What used to be private is now shared with thousands of people online. And let’s not forget that every single one of us internalizes things differently. Our own experiences in life help manifest the way we interpret, and react to a loss of trust. We want to be able to trust, but trust is earned. It takes time to build it, and a lot longer to regain it once it’s lost.

I want to leave you with 2 quotes, and as you go about your week, think of your own ideas about what happens when you lose trust.

“The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.” Stephen King

This other quote is one that speaks to me. It is a good way to build, and maintain relationships whether online ones, or offline ones.

“Relationships of trust depend on our willingness to look not only to our own interests, but also the interests of others.”

Peter Farquharson –

Trust is a 2 way street, and it can never sustain itself if only one person is doing the trusting. If you feel like it, go ahead and leave a comment here and share your ideas with us. As we finish our morning coffee and prepare for the week, think about trust, and how it affects you.

Have a good week!

5 thoughts on “What Happens When You Lose Trust

  1. I don’t trust easily to begin with, so when trust is undermined it is virtually impossible to regain it. I know in my heart that I could not forgive infidelity, for example. I forge friendships slowly rather than spilling my guts to someone I barely know. This is as a result of being let down by so-called friends when I was much younger. I value the few friendships I have because of trust.
    Dee recently posted…Stanley J509 500 Amp Jump StarterMy Profile

    • For different reasons some people are more trusting than others to begin with, so the reactions to either a perceived breech, or a real one are quite different. Thank you Dee for sharing that….

  2. Trust is truly an integral component of all relationships. I like your Peter Farquharson quote. I would take it a thought of my own further in that not only must I look at the interests of both in the relationship, I must also look closely at why I may feel betrayal of trust.

    Take writing forums, for instance. Am I restricting the relationship by my wanting to write my own rules rather than follow those set by the site administrator? If so, then it is I who have broken trust, not the writing platform.

    Ah! But the rules have changed, you may say! If that is true, it is still my decision to write by the rules set forth of not to do so. Whatever my decision, trust has not been violated.

    I believe trust is, however, violated when either party in the relationship shows lack of respect for the other while remaining in the relationship. I believe that if I am more unhappy than not, less trusting than not, then it is I who must remove myself from the relationship. Otherwise, I am the one guilty of betrayal of trust, as well as respect. (Which I obviously feel go hand in hand.)

    Further, if I do not have what it takes to make this choice for myself, then I must not bring myself to an uproar when the other in the relationship makes the choice for me and for themselves.

    • Ruthie…first, thank you for joining us for a coffee and for sharing your thoughts. I think your point of looking at why someone might feel betrayed as a good point. I have been thinking of what you wrote, and would like to carry it a bit further. Your analogy was for a writing platform, so that is the one I will use.

      OK…you said, what if rules changed, and that people have a choice on whether to write for the new rules or not. No disagreement here. However, you say no trust was violated. I am not so sure I would agree with that as written, and here’s my example.

      I have a contest running on another of my sites. I wrote the rules, and have the prizes. So, let’s say you entered on day 1. Later I notice it’s not working very well, and change the rules, and just delete your entry for no other reason than I changed the rules. Is that fair? Would you trust me in the future for another contest? But let’s say as a poet I actually had something valuable you wanted to read, look at, or whatever. You might choose not to enter another contest, that trust is gone, but you might still visit the site. Anger and frustration are 2 of the most common behaviors from people that feel betrayed. And we all know, that it doesn’t even matter if it was a real betrayal or not…just the feeling it was is enough to evoke these behaviors.

      Now to your last parts…removing oneself from a relationship. I think this part is very complex, and it depends on many factors. Sometimes, in some situations people will respect the position, but lose trust in the person. Think of our last presidential elections…many people opposed whomever won, and didn’t particularly trust them, but they still have a basic respect for the office, the idea of democracy. Even though I was quite critical of one of our Presidents, and his actions, I would never think to give up my citizenship and move to another country. Like in all things, there is good and bad. When I had no trust, I just decided to wait it out. My choice, my behavior, and my reasons.

      It really is interesting to see different opinions, and I very much appreciate your sharing yours. Thanks again Ruthie, and hope you have a good week!

  3. I have serious trust issues with writing sites this year, I didn’t used too, but now it has me working harder than ever on my own blogs. I don’t want to feel like I do anymore. Will I wake up and everything be gone?

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